Veteran, NY funeral homes

Ways to be Helpful in a Funeral

During funerals at Veteran, NY funeral homes, people often want to be of service or help out in any way that can for the family of a loved one who has died. Funerals are made of many moving parts that often look as though they just happen, but there are people in the background who are making sure that things go smoothly for everyone.  

One way to assist a bereaved family during a funeral service is to attend to the guest book. Guest books are placed outside the chapel where the funeral service will be held. Guest books allow people who come to pay their respects to the deceased and to comfort and support the family to record their presence. The family receives the guest book as part of the funeral home’s services to them.  

Attending to the guest book includes making sure mourners have a pen to sign the book during both the visitation and the funeral service (some people will attend both the visitation and funeral service and some will attend only the funeral service). Most funeral homes have staff that can keep up with moving the guest book if the visitation and funeral service are held in different locations, but it can help the family to know that someone is looking out for the guest book for them.  

Another way to help during a funeral is to record gifts and flowers sent to the funeral service. The bereaved family will get thank-you notes from the funeral home to send to people who’ve given gifts and flowers, so having a list of those names of those people and what they contributed helps make the thank-you note writing easier after the funeral. Be sure to record first and last names, addresses, if they’re included, and the actual contribution. The easiest way is to take photos with a smartphone of both tags and the gift so that the grieving family will have visual reminders to help them when they’re writing thank-you notes.  

A third way to be helpful during a funeral is to attend to the needs of the family. Offer to get them water during the visitation, and, if there’s a reception after the funeral service, offer to get them drinks and something to eat. These things are usually the last thing on the mind of a family that’s grieving, but they’ll be appreciative of your show of concern for their welfare.  

Consider buying cloth handkerchiefs for each family member to have during the visitation and the funeral. Paper tissues may be adequate, but people often find they have a pile of them with no place to put them. Also include a small bottle of hand sanitizer with each handkerchief, so that family members can use it as needed while greeting mourners.  

Often times, funeral home staff will assist with parking for the funeral, but you can offer to help both with parking before the funeral and with traffic flow after the funeral, especially if there is a funeral procession to the graveyard immediately following the funeral. Parking for handicapped individuals and the family should be reserved as close as possible to the funeral service location.  

A final way to be helpful during a funeral service is to offer to help with seating. The funeral director will guide people into the room where the service is being held, but an extra hand at helping people find seats is always appreciated.  

If you want to help during a funeral at Veteran, NY funeral homes, talk with our knowledgeable and compassionate team at Roberts Funeral Home for ideas. You can visit our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.  

Caitlin, NY funeral homes

History of a Traditional Irish Wake

Traditional Irish wakes are being replaced with visitations in Caitlin, NY funeral homes, but the traditional Irish wake has a fascinating history.   

Begun, of course, in Ireland, Irish wakes served a practical purpose. Friends and family watched over the body of the person who was thought to have deceased to watch for them to wake up or ensure they didn’t awaken – hence, the “wake.” In a time that didn’t have modern medicine to know for certain that someone was dead, and not wanting to bury someone who was unconscious, but still alive (which happened from time to time), a set period of time was established to wait for burial.  

This period of time consisted of family and friends gathering together to celebrate and mourn. They would eat, drink (often to excess), play music, play games, and share stories about the dearly departed. In short, the wake became a party.  

However, the deceased was always honored. The body would be prepared and dressed in white. The deceased would be laid out in a specific room in the home of a family member. That room would be shut off from the party that accompanied the rest of the wake. However, someone was always with the body in case the person did wake up.  

How long the wake lasted depended on when the funeral service was being held. Because embalming and cold storage were not available in the earliest times of this custom, wakes seldom lasted longer than 48 hours. Wakes started as soon the body was prepared and dressed and ended when the family left for funeral services.  

An interesting Irish wake tradition was to stop all the clocks in the house at the exact time of death for the deceased. This was considered a sign of respect for the person who had died.   

Additionally, all mirrors would be turned around or covered immediately. The exact reason for this is unknown, but two prevailing superstitions were that if a living person looked into a mirror after someone died, they would die soon as well and that mirrors reflect everything and store all they reflect, so if a corpse or ghost passed by them, they would become permanent sources of bad luck. (This practice is still common, even in the absence of Irish wakes, especially in the South and in Judaism, where there is a belief that evil spirits may attached themselves to reflections in mirrors.)  

Next, candles would be lit and placed around the body of the deceased. The Rosary would be recited at midnight, and most visitors left afterward. People who were closest to the family stayed through the night.   

Although professional mourners are considered to be a new addition to funeral services, in traditional Irish wakes, it was commonplace to hire professional mourners to show grief for the deceased. If the death was untimely, unexpected, or tragic, more professional mourners would be used so the sounds of grieving would be louder.  

The emotions involved in the traditions of Irish wakes are the same emotions that people feel today when a loved one dies. Although most American funerals are pretty low-key (you can thank the Puritans for that), the idea of celebrating and mourning the loss of a loved one continues to be an integral part of how we say goodbye.  

For more information about traditional funeral customs at Caitlin, NY funeral homes, our sympathetic and experienced staff at Roberts Funeral Home is available to help. You can come to our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.  

funeral homes in Owego, NY

Popular Selections for Funeral Music

Choosing music is part of the planning for funeral services in funeral homes in Owego, NY. In reality, music is a very personal choice and any song or songs can be played as part of the funeral service. Sometimes people choose songs that have special memories connected with the deceased person. Other times people choose songs that were the deceased’s favorites. And still other times, people find themselves at a loss for what kind of music to play during the funeral service.   

Music for funeral services can be secular, religious, or classical. This list includes some of the most popular secular, religious, and classical music people choose to include in funeral services, with a brief explanation of why they are appropriate choices.  

In secular music, one song often played is Vince Gill’s “Go Rest High on That Mountain.” Gill began writing the song after the untimely death of country artist Keith Whitley, but completed the song after his older brother died unexpectedly of a heart attack. The song soars with grief, emotion, and celebration.  

Another secular selection that has become a popular choice at funeral services for younger people who’ve died is Deathcab for Cutie’s “I’ll Follow You into the Dark.” The song is about the circle of life and the reality that we all are going to die at some point and people will mourn our passing.  

A constant secular selection is “Dust in the Wind,” by Kansas. It captures the fragility of life and how fleeting it is. The title is an oblique reference to both Ecclesiastes 12:7 and Genesis 3:19 in the Bible.  

A final secular song that is commonly included in music for funeral services is Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah,” performed by Jeff Buckley. The song laments love and loss, while providing counsel and comfort to the brokenhearted.  

Among religious and classical music that is popular for funeral services, one of the most often played selections is Franz Schubert’s “Ave Maria.” It is a prayer set to music, and it’s soaring melody and words can offer consolation.  

Another popular religious hymn played at funeral services is John Newton’s, “Amazing Grace.” It speaks to forgiveness, redemption, and salvation, which are all themes associated with both life and death.  

“My Shepherd Will Supply My Need,” written by Isaac Watts is an adaptation of Psalm 23 in the Bible. It is a comforting piece of music that reminds people of the constant presence of a power greater than us who is taking care of all of our needs from cradle to grave. This selection was sung in the Washington, DC 9/11 memorial service at the National Cathedral.  

A fourth classical song that is a popular choice for funeral services is Samuel Barber’s “Adagio for Strings.” This is quiet piece of music at the beginning and then it blossoms in notes of both sorrow and hope as the song progresses. It was featured in Platoon, a well-known Vietnam War movie.  

The final popular selection in this category is “When the Saints Go Marching In,” written by Katharine Purvis and James Milton Black. This song is uplifting and speaks of the glory after death, not the sorrow of it. It is a standard in second line funerals in New Orleans.  

In planning music for funeral services at funeral homes in Owego, NY, our empathetic and compassionate staff at Roberts Funeral Home can give you guidance. You can visit our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can call us today at (607) 734-7811.  

cremations in Waverly, NY

Planning Gatherings Before or After Cremations

As part of cremations in Waverly, NY, you can have funeral services or memorial services for the deceased person. It’s a healthy way to gather family and friends in one location to facilitate and support the grieving process.  

First decide what kind of service you want for the deceased. Funeral services are held before cremation and may or may not have the deceased present. If the deceased is present, the body will be either in the cremation casket or a casket that is rented from the funeral home for the service, after which the deceased is transferred to the cremation casket (must be completely fully combustible, and contain no metal). If the deceased is not present, there is no need for a casket other than the cremation casket.  

Visitations are usually held before funeral services. These are designed to give friends and family a chance to offer the grieving family condolences, support, and comfort. Many times in visitation, the deceased will be present, but other times the deceased will not be present. Visitations are recommended regardless because they’re an invaluable part of taking care of a bereaved family after a death has occurred.   

The funeral service itself is more structured ceremony with someone presiding over the order of events, which often including secular and/or religious readings, eulogies, a sermon (if religious), and music.  

Often, if the funeral service is during the day, a reception with food and drinks is held after the service to let people more informally interact with the grieving family and offer care and concern.  

Memorial services, on the other hand, are held after cremation. These gatherings can be held at any time, which can help people from all over plan to come together to remember the deceased. Memorial services can also be held anywhere, and are often less structured and more focused on interactive conversations with stories and memories of the deceased. If memorial services are held in the funeral home, an urn with the cremains of the deceased will usually be displayed.  

Both funeral services and memorial services can be highly customized depending on what the family and deceased would have wanted, so take that into account when planning either service. Do make sure to ask the funeral home if they can record the service, in case there are friends and family members who are unable to attend because of distance, health, or other circumstances. You can copy the file of the service, which is in a standard format that most computer video players can play, to flash drives and send them to those who were absent.  

The next decision with cremations is planning a gathering around the final disposition of the cremains. There are many options for final disposition of cremains, but the most common are: permanent possession (the family keeps the cremains in a decorative container in their home); scattering cremains; and burial of cremains (next to a loved one in a cemetery).   

Some families choose to scatter or bury cremains privately, while others plan a more open (although it’s usually invitation-only) ceremony.  

It’s also common to create permanent memorials for the deceased after cremation. It might be a marker in the cemetery or a tree planted in the deceased memory. These enable family and friends to gather any time to remember the deceased.   

After cremations in Waverly, NY, our empathetic and knowledgeable staff at Roberts Funeral Home can help you with funeral or memorial services. You can visit our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.  

Owego, NY cremations

Dealing with the Death of a Spouse

Dealing with the death of a spouse after Owego, NY cremations can be extremely difficult for the surviving spouse. A lifelong partnership has ended, and an overwhelming sense of grief, loneliness, and even persistent depression sets in during the days, weeks, months and years (depression is not uncommon for two to three years after the death of spouse) following the death.  

Healing is possible, although the surviving spouse will always miss the spouse whose died and that person’s place in their heart will never be filled by anyone else, even if they remarry in the future.  

One step to dealing with the death of a spouse is to acknowledge grief. Once the immediate tasks that need to be done after a death are accomplished and adult family members make their way back to their lives, grief has to be faced. It’s important to recognize and accept that life has changed and it will never be the same as it was again. Mourning that loss and the loss of your spouse is a very healthy way to move forward.  

Taking care of self after the death of a spouse is paramount. Fatigue and a mental fog are very common among surviving spouses. Many stress hormones get released and they can trigger “broken heart syndrome,” which is characterized by severe chest pain, which can actually lead to an increased risk of heart attacks. People are wired to instinctively avoid pain, so turning to alcohol or drugs may seem enticing, but this is not a good choice in the long term. Try to eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep.  

The general rule of thumb after the death of a spouse is to avoid making any major decisions for one year. These would include things like selling a home, moving to another city, remarrying, or making major purchases. Because thinking is not clear during the grieving process, significant mistakes that will cause a ton of regret later on can happen when making major decisions. While grieving, everything is based on emotions, so decisions are not going to be logical. If something major has to be decided, then seek the help of a friend or adult child you trust to help you make the best decision.  

Another step in dealing with the death of a spouse is deciding what to do with their personal belongings. This can be a difficult step to take for many surviving spouses. Take as much time as is needed with this step. There’s no certain amount of time for getting rid of personal belonging, nor does the surviving spouse have to get rid of all of them. There will come a day when the thought of dealing with their personal belongings won’t hurt as much and the energy required to do it will be there.  

Creating a memorial for the deceased spouse can help with the grieving process. It can be a simple as a handmade box with cherished items or it can be a stone put at the deceased spouse’s favorite place. It will bring back good memories, shared memories, and will offer solace and comfort.  

After Owego, NY cremations, our empathetic and compassionate team at Roberts Funeral Home can help with resources to help cope with the death of a spouse. You can come to our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can call us today at (607) 734-7811.  


cremations in Elmira, NY

Etiquette for Cremations Ceremonies

Etiquette for ceremonies associated with cremations in Elmira, NY may be different than etiquette for burial ceremonies, depending on whether the deceased person chose direct cremation (ceremonies are held after the cremation) or a visitation and funeral service (ceremonies are held before the cremation).  

If someone who wants to be cremated chooses to have a visitation and a funeral service before cremation, then normal funeral service etiquette applies. The visitation will usually be held a couple of hours before the funeral service, when friends and family can pay their respects to the deceased and offer comfort and support to the deceased’s family. The funeral service that follows will generally consists of readings, eulogies, a funeral sermon (if the person was religious), and music. After the funeral service, the deceased will be cremated.  

If a person chooses direct cremation, there are no ceremonies held before the cremation takes place. Instead, memorial services are held at a later date. This gives family and friends time to plan for and get to the memorial services without having to make hasty, and sometimes very expensive arrangements, to get someplace immediately.   

The structure of memorial services is flexible and will depend on many factors. There are times when a memorial service is much like a funeral service, with readings, eulogies, a funeral sermon, and music. The only difference between this and a funeral service is timing.  

Sometimes memorial services are open and simply consist of a casual gathering of friends and family for food and remembrance either at a home, church, or community center. It’s a time for storytelling and remembering the deceased.  

Other times, memorial services are invitation-only and are held at some place that was special to the deceased and has events planned that were favorite activities of the deceased. Since this requires advanced planning, these types of memorial services are often held months, or even a year or more, after the deceased has been cremated.  

Although it’s becoming more common with funeral burials as well, when people choose cremation, there is a request for photos and/or donations to specific charities or to charities the donor chooses instead of flowers being sent. Honor those requests because they express, not only the wishes of the deceased, but the wishes of the family as well.  

Instead of a funeral viewing before cremations, memorials often have slideshow presentations accompanied by music. The slideshow will highlight the deceased’s life and will be accompanied by their favorite music or songs that are pertinent to their lives. Many people think this a more positive way to remember someone than a viewing because they get to see the deceased in the good times they enjoyed in their lives.  

While traditional funerals include burial of the body underground, with cremations, the body is burned until all that remains are the bones. These are finely crushed into cremains and returned to the family. Some people do choose to bury the cremains underground, but, more commonly, the ashes are spread somewhere that was near and dear to the heart of the deceased. The spreading of the ashes can take place years later, in some cases, and are usually a private ceremony just for the family.  

For guidance with ceremonies etiquette for cremations in Elmira, NY, our compassionate and knowledgeable team at Roberts Funeral Home can assist. You can come to our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can call us today at (607) 734-7811.  

Waverly, NY cremations

Advanced Illness: Holding On or Letting Go

Before Waverly, NY cremations, advanced age or illnesses are often what causes the death for a deceased person. In Dylan Thomas’ famous poem, Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night, the narrator is urging his aging father to “rage against the dying of the light.” Our culture puts a premium on life and does everything it can to avoid and delay – although it eventually comes – death. This often results in a life that may have quantity, but that has little or no quality. It can also lead to unnecessary suffering and pain.  

People have an instinctive desire to continue to live. We experience this as wanting to eat, to do activities, to learn, to grow, to look to the future, and to move forward. We have strong attachments to other living things, including our families, friends, and pets, and we don’t want to leave them. While we don’t decide to continue to live, our actions make living automatic.   

When age and illnesses reach an advanced stage, our thoughts are not of ourselves, but of others. We want to be with our loved ones, and may even feel a responsibility to not fail them or cause them pain and grief. We may have unfinished business, such as making amends or reconciling relationships. Fears may arise about losing control of our lives, being dependent on others, what will happen as we die, and what will happen after we die. They may be so intense that we find them difficult to think about. Feelings or resentment, guilt, sadness, and anger often arise with both the person who is ill and their caregiver(s) about having to do what they don’t want to do.  

Even as death approaches, a sense of hope remains. What that hope looks like changes as death nears. While once it may have been hope for the illness to be cured or a little more time, hope is now reconfigured into present and immediate terms: a good night, one more visit with friends or loved ones, or, even, an easy death.   

At some point, though, in the days and weeks before death, many people don’t have a desire to live any longer. This is not suicidal nor is it a sign of depression. Instead, it’s an innate sense that it’s time to let go. It may present itself as a profound tiredness that doesn’t go away with rest. Often people reach a point where they’ve hit the limit of how much effort they can put into prolonging life. While refusing to let go may extend life a little, death is still inevitable. Prolonging death may translate into a time when more suffering than living actually happens.  

Some family members and friends also go through a door of letting go. They’ve watched the person they love fight, struggle, and suffer, and they no longer want that person to experience any more of that. Other family members and friends may simply not be able to accept that dying is the next best step for their loved one and refuse to believe that is what’s happening.  

Letting go does not mean our loved one wants to die. Instead, it is an expression of their acceptance that death is the next step they will take.  

Before Waverly, NY cremations, our sympathetic and knowledgeable staff at Roberts Funeral Home can help you when your loved one has gone gentle into that good night. You can visit our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can call us today at (607) 734-7811.  

funeral homes in West Elmira, NY

Why Suppressing Grief is Unhealthy

Before and after funerals at funeral homes in West Elmira, NY, the process of grieving the loss of a loved one begins. However, in some cases, grief gets suppressed out of necessity – taking care of immediate things – or because the person just can’t handle grief’s sometimes overwhelming effects, so they just shut it down or put it aside.  

While some grief suppression may be necessary in small increments of time, suppressing it over the long term every time it comes to the surface is unhealthy, and can result in health problems, emotional problems, and mental problems, such as depression and anxiety.  

When grief is suppressed instead of being faced head on, it becomes incomplete grief. There are several symptoms associated with incomplete grief.  

One symptom is irritability or anger that gets worse with time and can erupt into an explosion or violence. Suppressing grief lets things build up inside with no outlet or expression. The body, mind, and soul can take this for only so long until it gets too big and too much to handle or keep suppressed. Often the trigger that lets it all out is tiny or insignificant, and often observers will wonder why the reaction is so extreme in comparison.  

Another symptom of incomplete grief is long-term obsession with missing the deceased. It is normal in the first few weeks or months to obsess about the death of a loved one and for their loss to hurt deeply, leaving a void that almost seems too deep to ever even scar over. Emotional rewinding is part of this as the relationship gets reviewed and the death gets reviewed in every single little detail. However, it’s not uncommon for people to get stuck in the emotional rewind and not be able to move forward. They have all their regrets on replay and cry whenever the deceased or something sad is discussed.  

Hyperalertness and fear of loss is a symptom of incomplete grief. Hyperalertness and fear of loss manifest themselves as pervasive anxiety and a overwhelming sense that nothing’s safe, everything’s fragile, and everyone is vulnerable. As a result, hypersensitivity to everything sets in and an overriding need to be prepared for the worse becomes the default mindset.   

A fourth symptom of incomplete grief is behavioral overreaction. How behavioral overreaction is express is either in excessive clinginess to significant others or pushing everyone away and keeping them at a distance to avoid the potential of loss and pain. This sometimes is a short-term way of coping with healthy grief, but with incomplete grief, it becomes the norm for the long-term.  

Apathy, numbness, and low-grade depression are all signs of incomplete grief. Apathy is apparent when things the person once enjoyed doing are no longer enjoyable to them and they really don’t seem to care about anything. Numbness is a blunted emotional reaction that simply can’t seem to feel anything. And a low-grade depression is characterized by a lack of energy, a sense of hopelessness, and dark thoughts that persist over time.  

Utilizing grief resources such as counseling and therapy are an excellent way to resolve incomplete grief.  

At funeral homes in West Elmira, NY, our sympathetic and knowledgeable staff at Roberts Funeral Home can help you with grief resources. You can come to our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.  

cremations in Wavery, NY

How to Preplan Cremations

With cremations in Wavery, NY, the body is cremated and the cremains become ash. Cremains can be buried in the ground, put into a columbarium (a building or room with slots where funeral urns are stored), retained by the family in an urn, or scattered somewhere.  

By preplanning your cremation, you can decide how you want your cremation to be. Generally, services for people who are cremated are held before the cremation or after the cremation.   

If the service is held before the cremation, it is often very much like the service before a burial. There can be a viewing and then a funeral service within a few days after death. You can either purchase your own cremation casket – it must not contain any metal and it must be 100%-combustible – for the viewing and funeral service or you can rent a casket for the viewing and funeral service from the funeral home for a minimal cost, after which the funeral home will transfer the body to a fully-combustible casket for cremation.  

Services held after cremations are memorial services and they can be held at any time, in any place, and can have any format. Some people prefer memorial services because it gives friends and family time to get time off of work, make travel arrangements, and often meet at a place that is special to the deceased for the service and, perhaps, to scatter the cremains. You can designate where and how you want your memorial service to be done. It can be a get-together, where stories and memories are shared, or it can be a meet-up for a favorite activity, or it can be a party. The choice is yours.  

When you’re preplanning a cremation, you get the opportunity to decide how you want the cremains to be handled. They can be buried in a cemetery (it is not unusual for spouses who have a spouse that predeceased them and is buried to have their ashes buried with their spouse or scatter at the spouse’s grave), kept in an urn by the family, or scattered at a favorite spot.  

One of the choices you’ll need to make is how you want the cremains to be returned to your family. The funeral home will provide a basic container with your cremains, but you can purchase a wide variety of urns and other types of containers that are specifically designed for this purpose.    

The other part of preplanning cremations usually includes paying for everything up front or giving the funeral home your burial/funeral policy, if you have one, to use to cover the costs at the time you die. These costs will include casket rental (if you plan a visitation and funeral and do not want that to be in a cremation casket), a cremation casket, funeral home services, the cremation, and disposal of the cremains.  

Once you’ve preplanned your cremation with the funeral home, be sure to record everything to keep with your important papers (include burial/funeral policy information that you’ve given to the funeral home), and then make sure your entire family knows all the details, so everybody is on the same page.  

If you’d like more information about preplanning cremations in Waverly, NY, our caring and experienced staff at Roberts Funeral Home can give you the assistance you need. You can visit us at our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can call us today at (607) 734-7811.  

Caitlin, NY funeral home

The Four Tasks of Mourning

Even before the funeral process at Caitlin, NY funeral homes begins, grieving loss of a loved one is set in motion. Mourning serves a purpose for the living, and it should, at some point, accomplish four tasks. There is no time limit on mourning nor is there a right or wrong way to mourn. But the five stages of grief made famous by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross don’t always happen in order and they don’t always happen the same way to every mourner. Kubler-Ross herself, later in life, expressed regret that she didn’t present the five stages of grief in a different manner.  

It doesn’t mean that understanding the five stages of grief is not valuable, but there’s more to mourning that needs to be explained and that needs to happen.   

The first task of mourning is accepting the reality of the loss. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all the realities that accompany death are understood or accepted, but it does mean that those grieving have to recognize that they’ve experienced a permanent loss in this life.  

The next task of mourning is to work through the pain of grief. This is different for everyone in terms of how they do it and how long it takes. None of us likes dealing with emotional pain, but for some people it is so difficult that they either ignore the pain, they suppress the pain, or they numb the pain. All of this is emotionally unhealthy. Ignoring the pain doesn’t make it go away. Suppressing the pain doesn’t diminish its effect. And numbing the pain is not only emotionally unhealthy, but can also be physically unhealthy.  

Sooner or later, the pain of grief comes to the surface and it has to be addressed and dealt with, because it can’t be ignored, suppressed, or numbed forever.   

One thing that’s important to recognized in this task is that working through the pain of grief head-on takes some people much more time than it does others. This is known as complicated grief. The amount of time a person works through the pain of grief does not correlate to them not working through it. Never tell somebody that they need to move on and get over it, because you don’t know how they’re working through this task.  

The third task of mourning is adjusting to a new environment where a loved one is missing. This can be very, very difficult, especially for spouses of and for children who were primary caregivers for the deceased person. This new environment has a void that no one and nothing can fill. It’s an environment that has practical barriers including finances, property, and companionship, among other things. It’s a new world that starts all over with a page missing, and that can be difficult.   

A very wise piece of advice, especially with big financial or property decisions after the death of a loved one, is to put these kinds of things on hold for at least a year after the person has died. It doesn’t mean everything will be fine in a year, but there will be more objective clarity.  

The last task of mourning is to find an enduring connection with the deceased person while embarking on a new life without them. Often this can include rituals into life that honor their loved one, such as laying flowers at their grave each year on their birthday and being comfortable thinking about and sharing memories of the deceased.    

At Caitlin, NY funeral homes, our sympathetic and knowledgeable staff at Roberts Funeral Home can help you with grief resources. You can see us at our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can call us today at (607) 734-7811.