Waverly, NY cremations

Coping with Regrets after Death

Regrets are common after Waverly, NY cremations. They seem to be an inevitable part of the grieving process, especially when the reality of death sets in and we’re all alone with our thoughts, rehashing the details of our lives with the loved ones we’ve lost.

Regrets are not necessarily a bad thing, although if we eventually get stuck on them, they can make grief much more intense for much longer than it should be. Regrets are often the product of paying attention, which is something we don’t always do when someone is still alive. Regrets can also be wishing that an event or an incident with our loved had turned out differently than it did and, if we’d been doing something differently, it might have.

One of the benefits of regrets is growth. Sometimes we don’t know what we don’t know until it’s too late, at least for our loved one who has died. But we can learn from those kinds of regrets and make changes in our lives to make sure they never repeat themselves.

Another benefit of regrets is wisdom. Until we are in the situation where we can look at our lives, both in relationship to our deceased loved one and in relationship to everyone else, with integrity and honesty to see where we fall short, whether that’s in selfishness, obliviousness, impatience, unkindness, or harshness, among many other things, we don’t gain wisdom.

Regrets, like death, should change us for the better, and make us more wise and more humble, as we see our own reflection clearly in them.

Some regrets are about things we couldn’t have done any differently or that wouldn’t have turned out any differently, but we wish that we could have or that they had. Perhaps we were caring for an elderly parent, vigilantly watching them, and they fell anyway because they were just beyond our reach. They may have broken bones, suffered from head trauma, or got really banged up and bruised. Those kinds of scenes can replay over and over in slow motion, bringing pain and agony to us as well as regret, but we couldn’t have done anything differently at the time.

Those are the kind of regrets that we can get stuck in and they can prolong intense grief, because we want to change the outcome. And those are the kind of regrets that we have to put to rest and say, “I did the best I could. It may not have always been good enough, but it was the best I could do at the time.”

Some regrets are for missed opportunities with our loved ones. We may have been talking for years about a trip we were going to take or an adventure that we wanted to do with our loved ones, but we never got around to them before they died.

And some regrets are for issues and problems between us and our loved ones that were never resolved while they were alive. These can be very difficult to cope with, because there may also be guilt associated with the regrets, but like all other regrets, we can’t change the past. All we can do is move forward, and professional help may be needed for that to happen, and know that somewhere in the future everything will be made right.

If you’d like information about grief resources after Waverly, NY cremations, talk with our knowledgeable and compassionate team at Roberts Funeral Home for guidance. You can visit our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.