Category Archives: funeral homes

funeral homes in Owego, NY

Popular Selections for Funeral Music

Choosing music is part of the planning for funeral services in funeral homes in Owego, NY. In reality, music is a very personal choice and any song or songs can be played as part of the funeral service. Sometimes people choose songs that have special memories connected with the deceased person. Other times people choose songs that were the deceased’s favorites. And still other times, people find themselves at a loss for what kind of music to play during the funeral service.   

Music for funeral services can be secular, religious, or classical. This list includes some of the most popular secular, religious, and classical music people choose to include in funeral services, with a brief explanation of why they are appropriate choices.  

In secular music, one song often played is Vince Gill’s “Go Rest High on That Mountain.” Gill began writing the song after the untimely death of country artist Keith Whitley, but completed the song after his older brother died unexpectedly of a heart attack. The song soars with grief, emotion, and celebration.  

Another secular selection that has become a popular choice at funeral services for younger people who’ve died is Deathcab for Cutie’s “I’ll Follow You into the Dark.” The song is about the circle of life and the reality that we all are going to die at some point and people will mourn our passing.  

A constant secular selection is “Dust in the Wind,” by Kansas. It captures the fragility of life and how fleeting it is. The title is an oblique reference to both Ecclesiastes 12:7 and Genesis 3:19 in the Bible.  

A final secular song that is commonly included in music for funeral services is Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah,” performed by Jeff Buckley. The song laments love and loss, while providing counsel and comfort to the brokenhearted.  

Among religious and classical music that is popular for funeral services, one of the most often played selections is Franz Schubert’s “Ave Maria.” It is a prayer set to music, and it’s soaring melody and words can offer consolation.  

Another popular religious hymn played at funeral services is John Newton’s, “Amazing Grace.” It speaks to forgiveness, redemption, and salvation, which are all themes associated with both life and death.  

“My Shepherd Will Supply My Need,” written by Isaac Watts is an adaptation of Psalm 23 in the Bible. It is a comforting piece of music that reminds people of the constant presence of a power greater than us who is taking care of all of our needs from cradle to grave. This selection was sung in the Washington, DC 9/11 memorial service at the National Cathedral.  

A fourth classical song that is a popular choice for funeral services is Samuel Barber’s “Adagio for Strings.” This is quiet piece of music at the beginning and then it blossoms in notes of both sorrow and hope as the song progresses. It was featured in Platoon, a well-known Vietnam War movie.  

The final popular selection in this category is “When the Saints Go Marching In,” written by Katharine Purvis and James Milton Black. This song is uplifting and speaks of the glory after death, not the sorrow of it. It is a standard in second line funerals in New Orleans.  

In planning music for funeral services at funeral homes in Owego, NY, our empathetic and compassionate staff at Roberts Funeral Home can give you guidance. You can visit our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can call us today at (607) 734-7811.  

funeral homes in West Elmira, NY

Why Suppressing Grief is Unhealthy

Before and after funerals at funeral homes in West Elmira, NY, the process of grieving the loss of a loved one begins. However, in some cases, grief gets suppressed out of necessity – taking care of immediate things – or because the person just can’t handle grief’s sometimes overwhelming effects, so they just shut it down or put it aside.  

While some grief suppression may be necessary in small increments of time, suppressing it over the long term every time it comes to the surface is unhealthy, and can result in health problems, emotional problems, and mental problems, such as depression and anxiety.  

When grief is suppressed instead of being faced head on, it becomes incomplete grief. There are several symptoms associated with incomplete grief.  

One symptom is irritability or anger that gets worse with time and can erupt into an explosion or violence. Suppressing grief lets things build up inside with no outlet or expression. The body, mind, and soul can take this for only so long until it gets too big and too much to handle or keep suppressed. Often the trigger that lets it all out is tiny or insignificant, and often observers will wonder why the reaction is so extreme in comparison.  

Another symptom of incomplete grief is long-term obsession with missing the deceased. It is normal in the first few weeks or months to obsess about the death of a loved one and for their loss to hurt deeply, leaving a void that almost seems too deep to ever even scar over. Emotional rewinding is part of this as the relationship gets reviewed and the death gets reviewed in every single little detail. However, it’s not uncommon for people to get stuck in the emotional rewind and not be able to move forward. They have all their regrets on replay and cry whenever the deceased or something sad is discussed.  

Hyperalertness and fear of loss is a symptom of incomplete grief. Hyperalertness and fear of loss manifest themselves as pervasive anxiety and a overwhelming sense that nothing’s safe, everything’s fragile, and everyone is vulnerable. As a result, hypersensitivity to everything sets in and an overriding need to be prepared for the worse becomes the default mindset.   

A fourth symptom of incomplete grief is behavioral overreaction. How behavioral overreaction is express is either in excessive clinginess to significant others or pushing everyone away and keeping them at a distance to avoid the potential of loss and pain. This sometimes is a short-term way of coping with healthy grief, but with incomplete grief, it becomes the norm for the long-term.  

Apathy, numbness, and low-grade depression are all signs of incomplete grief. Apathy is apparent when things the person once enjoyed doing are no longer enjoyable to them and they really don’t seem to care about anything. Numbness is a blunted emotional reaction that simply can’t seem to feel anything. And a low-grade depression is characterized by a lack of energy, a sense of hopelessness, and dark thoughts that persist over time.  

Utilizing grief resources such as counseling and therapy are an excellent way to resolve incomplete grief.  

At funeral homes in West Elmira, NY, our sympathetic and knowledgeable staff at Roberts Funeral Home can help you with grief resources. You can come to our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.  

Caitlin, NY funeral home

The Four Tasks of Mourning

Even before the funeral process at Caitlin, NY funeral homes begins, grieving loss of a loved one is set in motion. Mourning serves a purpose for the living, and it should, at some point, accomplish four tasks. There is no time limit on mourning nor is there a right or wrong way to mourn. But the five stages of grief made famous by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross don’t always happen in order and they don’t always happen the same way to every mourner. Kubler-Ross herself, later in life, expressed regret that she didn’t present the five stages of grief in a different manner.  

It doesn’t mean that understanding the five stages of grief is not valuable, but there’s more to mourning that needs to be explained and that needs to happen.   

The first task of mourning is accepting the reality of the loss. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all the realities that accompany death are understood or accepted, but it does mean that those grieving have to recognize that they’ve experienced a permanent loss in this life.  

The next task of mourning is to work through the pain of grief. This is different for everyone in terms of how they do it and how long it takes. None of us likes dealing with emotional pain, but for some people it is so difficult that they either ignore the pain, they suppress the pain, or they numb the pain. All of this is emotionally unhealthy. Ignoring the pain doesn’t make it go away. Suppressing the pain doesn’t diminish its effect. And numbing the pain is not only emotionally unhealthy, but can also be physically unhealthy.  

Sooner or later, the pain of grief comes to the surface and it has to be addressed and dealt with, because it can’t be ignored, suppressed, or numbed forever.   

One thing that’s important to recognized in this task is that working through the pain of grief head-on takes some people much more time than it does others. This is known as complicated grief. The amount of time a person works through the pain of grief does not correlate to them not working through it. Never tell somebody that they need to move on and get over it, because you don’t know how they’re working through this task.  

The third task of mourning is adjusting to a new environment where a loved one is missing. This can be very, very difficult, especially for spouses of and for children who were primary caregivers for the deceased person. This new environment has a void that no one and nothing can fill. It’s an environment that has practical barriers including finances, property, and companionship, among other things. It’s a new world that starts all over with a page missing, and that can be difficult.   

A very wise piece of advice, especially with big financial or property decisions after the death of a loved one, is to put these kinds of things on hold for at least a year after the person has died. It doesn’t mean everything will be fine in a year, but there will be more objective clarity.  

The last task of mourning is to find an enduring connection with the deceased person while embarking on a new life without them. Often this can include rituals into life that honor their loved one, such as laying flowers at their grave each year on their birthday and being comfortable thinking about and sharing memories of the deceased.    

At Caitlin, NY funeral homes, our sympathetic and knowledgeable staff at Roberts Funeral Home can help you with grief resources. You can see us at our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can call us today at (607) 734-7811.  

Caitlin, NY funeral homes

Funeral Fraud: Taking Advantage of Grief

Fraud can begin before the funeral at Caitlin, NY funeral homes. There are several prevalent types of fraud that specifically target families who’ve lost a loved one and who are grieving. We’ll highlight what these are so that you can be aware and protect yourself.  

Several types of funeral fraud happen because of what information is included in the obituary.   

One of these is street addresses of the deceased and street addresses of family members who may want to a place for mourners to come if they are unable to be at the visitation along with visitation times and dates, funeral times and dates, and graveside services times and dates.   

So, while you’re in the process of burying your loved one, burglars know where everyone lives and when the homes will be unoccupied, making them easier targets for break-ins and thefts.   

After the funeral, the surviving family members may get visits from fraudsters claiming that vehicles and/or equipment was sold to them or was put up for sale. Even though the family may insist that nothing was sold or for sale, if there is equipment they have no use for or vehicles that won[‘t be used, the family may be willing to sell them immediately for a very low price just to get rid of them.  

To protect yourself against this type of funeral fraud, do not put any street address information in the obituary.  

Two other pieces of information in obituaries can lead to identify theft. Often families will include maiden names of mothers, wives, sisters, or daughters and their date of birth. That’s really all good identity theft needs to access financial information, steal money or credit card numbers, or even open new credit in the deceased’s name, wreaking havoc of the deceased’s finances.  

Probate fraud is, sadly, a common type of funeral fraud. However, probate fraud usually happens before someone dies and it is perpetuated by someone the deceased person knows rather than a stranger. A lot of times probate fraud happens within families, especially in second marriages (children from the first marriage are defrauded) and in families where siblings don’t get along.  

Probate fraud consists of someone cultivating the dying person’s emotional and physical dependence on them, then convincing the dying person to make changes to their will, sign over property, or make them the sole executor of their will.   

When last-minute changes are made to a will, probate fraud is what is taking place. If beneficiaries are suddenly changed, then beneficiary fraud is also be perpetrated. Usually these happen concurrently, and the beneficiaries don’t find out about it until after the funeral and burial.   

If the will and beneficiary changes were made legally, it will be tough and long court battle to set things right. It’s difficult to prevent this type of funeral fraud, but the affairs of dying people should be in the hands of an impartial party (if there is family feuding going on) who refuses to let legal documents be changed.  

At Caitlin, NY funeral homes, our experienced and sympathetic staff at Roberts Funeral Home can help you with resources to avoid funeral fraud. You can see us in person at our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can call us today at (607) 734-7811.  

funeral homes in Owego, NY

Explaining Funerals to Children

Before funerals of loved ones at funeral homes in Owego, NY, children who are old enough to understand – children under five years of age are probably too young – should know what’s happened, know what’s going to happen, and be included in the entire process that accompanies the death of someone we love.  

While children don’t have the emotional maturity or the complexity of emotions that adults may have with regard to someone they love who has died, children can still grieve the loss more deeply than you might expect, especially if they were extremely close to the person who has died.  

The first thing that you need to do is let your children know that death is part of life and grief associated with death is normal. They also need to know that all grief doesn’t look the same and people, even within the same immediate family, may grieve very differently from each other. By explaining the spectrum of grief, you can help your children know that how they grieve and express that grief is okay and it’s not abnormal.  

You also need to explain the funeral process to your children. Let them know what to expect at the visitation. It can be quite a shock for children to see someone they love lying in a casket, completely motionless, eyes closed, hands folded over each other, and almost looking like the person did when they were alive. It can also be shocking for children to touch the body and discover that it is very cold.  

Explain visitation protocol to your children. Let them know that they’ll be up front in the funeral home beside you and the rest of the family and people will come up to all of you and express their condolences. Make sure that you prepare your children for the kinds of grief they made see, including tears, sobbing, and other emotions they may not have experienced before.  

You should also prepare your children for the funeral service. Many times, older children within the immediate family are asked to do readings as part of the funeral service. Go through the order of the funeral service with your children so they know what to expect and they also know how much longer the service will be. That may sound trifling, but sometimes funeral services are hard on children, and the knowledge that they are almost over can be a relief to them.  

Then you want to explain the graveside service to your children. Tell them what its purpose is and how it’s different from the funeral service. Let them know that the casket will be sitting above the cemetery plot where the deceased will be buried, because they’ll see the dirt that has been dug out around it.  

The first few days between the death of a loved one and their burial are often so busy that they’re a blur and the reality of them being gone doesn’t fully sink in. However, once all of that is over, the real grieving begins. Discuss it openly with your children and let them discuss how they’re feeling with you. Watch for signs of withdrawal and depression and consider grief counseling if these become protracted.  

At funeral homes in Owego, NY, our compassionate and knowledgeable staff at Roberts Funeral Home can help you with more resources to explain funerals to your children. You can come to our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.  

funeral home in Wellsburg, NY

Avoid These Funeral Home Pre-Planning Mistakes

If you have thought of planning your own final services with a funeral home in Wellsburg, NY, it’s definitely a good idea. You can relieve your family of a number of burdens, get better prices, and get what you really want for the services, among other things. But, like with any plans, there are mistakes you can make along the way. Here are some common errors and how you can avoid them as you pre-plan with a funeral home.  

Mistake 1: Waiting For Illness 

Many people don’t like to think about their own funerals, and we don’t blame them. However, waiting until you are ill with a potentially life-threatening sickness isn’t a good idea. You never know how long you’ll have before you pass on and it’s a lot harder to plan ahead when you are ill. Pre-planning your funeral before anything like that comes up is the wise way to go. You will have time and plenty of energy to put into the planning process.  

Mistake 2: Not Asking Enough Questions 

Many funeral homes have a lot of different options for services and packages. You shouldn’t feel bad about asking questions about any of them. You can change things around and make the service as unique as you’d like. If you just choose something and don’t ask questions, your family may not get what they need once you pass on. You are purchasing an important service and you want to know the details before you make the wrong decision.  

Mistake 3: Avoiding Direct Communication 

The funeral home you choose is there to help you with the services you need. However, you have to communicate with then in a clear and direct manner so they know what you want. If they aren’t on the same page as what you are thinking, there’s no way for them to do as you want. Communicate what you want in a clear and direct manner and put things into writing so both parties know what’s going to happen.  

Mistake 4: Forgetting Prices 

One of the benefits of pre-planning with a funeral home is that you can take care of the costs for your family in advance. If you pay too much attention to price, or not enough, you can make big mistakes. You might be on a budget, but if you skimp and don’t get all the services your family would like, they’ll hurt later. If you spend too much and leave the costs to them, that can hurt as well.  

If you’d like to plan services in advance with a funeral home in Wellsburg, NY, contact Roberts Funeral Home at (607) 734-7811. We are experts in planning ahead and we won’t let you make some of the common mistakes that people make when working on their own final services. We are located at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894 and we’re here to help with services of any kind, way before you pass on or after you lose a loved one.

Owego, NY funeral homes.

Funeral Home Etiquette Basics

Funerals are often somber events when you attend final services at Owego, NY funeral homes. The services can be reflective times and they often require special behavior and attitudes. Every final service is different, but in most cases, showing respect to a friend who has lost someone, or to a loved one who passed on in your family, will be a time of remembrance. You want to be prepared to enter the funeral home before the services begin.  

The Overall Mood 

There are some instances in which a final service will be more of a celebration of life, but, for the most part, funerals are more solemn affairs. You will want to enter the funeral home with respect in all cases. Losing a loved one creates a void in people’s lives and you want to tread carefully in your own mood and what you put forth to others. Unless you are told otherwise, treat the funeral as a somber event.  

Action Basics 

You will want to arrive 15 minutes or so before the service is scheduled to begin so you can find a seat without disrupting anyone. If you speak to others around you, use a hushed voice, like you would at a wedding or in church. The first few rows of the funeral home are usually for family members and close friends. If you aren’t part of that group, sit farther back. Don’t draw attention to yourself, but rather make the day about the departed. Dress in a conservative and respectful manner without sparkly, flashy items.  

Child Considerations 

If you have children, you will want to think about whether or not they are old enough to understand what is going on during a funeral service. If they knew the person and are of the proper age, they can come along and be expected to act accordingly during the service. If they are too young or didn’t know the person, you might want to find someone to watch them at home for you. Either way, make sure you sit near the back in case you have to take the child and step out. You don’t want them to disrupt the service or disturb the family in any way.  

If you haven’t been to a funeral in a while and you’d like more advice, contact a funeral home in Owego, NY with your questions. When you need help organizing final services, the professionals at Roberts Funeral Home are here to help. Give us a call at (607) 734-7811 and we can get started on the plans you need to put into place. You can also visit us at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894 and look over options in person. We’re here to help you through this difficult time in any way we can. We’re happy to take care of as many details as possible for you so you can concentrate on spending time with your family and grieving with them, as you should. 

Big Flats, NY funeral home

What A Funeral Home Suggests After Death

When someone you love passes away, you might be in a state of shock and grief. Once you are able to push past the initial emotions, you know there’s a lot to do. It’s never easy to death with death and grief, but a Big Flats, NY funeral home can help you figure out the steps to take to make the process as simple as possible during such a difficult time.  

The Death Certificate 

One of the first things you will need to do is secure copies of the death certificate. You won’t be able to move forward with arrangements or anything else you need to do until this is completed. You’ll need several copies to help you with a variety of things so get at least 15 copies just in case.  

Informing Others 

You will likely reach out to close family members immediately upon losing your loved one, but later one, you will also want to talk to others your loved one touched during their life. It might be too much for you to take on, so it is often a good idea to call just a few people and ask them to contact others for you. There may be some you’d like to wait and call after the funeral arrangements are made so you can inform them of those at the same time. Others will want to know of the death right away.  

Close Accounts 

You will want to start closing down your loved one’s accounts, so those aspects are taken care of. Do things like cancel their credit cards to prevent anyone from stealing their identity and using them. Keep a close eye on bank accounts and other things that will eventually transfer to someone else once the will is read.  

Contact An Attorney 

If your loved one had a will and an attorney, contact that person to help arrange the estate. The process can be complex and complicated, and it is best left up to a professional. If you have your own attorney you trust, you can ask them to help as well. Otherwise, use the person your loved one left their will with to complete the process for your family.  

Choose A Funeral Home 

You will also want to contact a funeral home early on in the process as well to get final arrangements started. Roberts Funeral Home is here to help you honor your loved one with the respect and dignity they deserve. Contact us at (607) 734-7811 when you need Big Flats, NY funeral homes to help you say goodbye to your loved one. We will customize any funeral service into just what you’d like so you can honor wishes and your family needs at the same time. We’re located at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894 and it is our job to relieve you of as many burdens as we can during this difficult time of grief.

West Elmira, NY funeral homes

Etiquette For Funeral Home Appearances

If you have never attended a funeral in a West Elmira, NY funeral homes before, you might be nervous when you get invited to one. You know people will be sad and grieving and you will have to be sensitive to them. It’s not always a comfortable experience, but if you want to honor the person who passed on and be there for the family, attendance is a good idea. While there are no set, hard and fast rules, there are a few elements you will want to follow to feel more at least with the process.  

What To Wear 

The first thing you will consider is what you should wear to the funeral home for the service. The traditional color of choice is black, but there is no requirement for that. Try to wear something in a more muted color and avoid bright patterns and anything that could be a distraction. Look for something on the conservative side. If you feel you could wear the outfit to church, it’ might be a good fit for the funeral home as well.  

Take Care With Phones 

It seems wherever we go these days, there are ringing and buzzing cell phones. When you enter the funeral home, make sure your phone is set on silent. Better yet, leave it in the car completely. Even phones on vibrate still make noise and can be a distraction. This is a time to focus on the person who passed on and their family members and nothing else. If your phone goes off, you’ll be embarrassed and seen as rude and disruptive.  

A Gift For The Grieving 

Everyone wants to do something for the family in grief to make them feel better or remind them they are there for them. The gifts don’t have to be expensive or elaborate. They can be simple things like flowers, a card with a heartfelt note, a cooked meal, a donation to a charity in their loved one’s name or other items. The thought is what counts in these cases.  

Keep Disruptions Minimal 

If you have a cough, but really want to attend the service at the funeral home, it’s perfectly fine. Just sit near the back so if you have a coughing fit you can quickly duck out. IF you have children you want to bring, that’s okay too. Dress them appropriately and again, sit near the back so if they start to fuss, you can get out fast, so you aren’t disrupting anyone else in their time of grief.  

Attending a funeral may not be something you do on a daily basis, but when you visit a West Elmira, NY funeral homes for a service, there’s no need to be more worried over it than necessary. If you have more questions about what to wear or what to bring, contact the professionals at Roberts Funeral Home by calling (607) 734-7811. We’re located at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894 and we’re here to help families through hard times.