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funeral homes in Elmira, NY

Helping Children with Addiction Deaths

Some funerals at funeral homes in Elmira, NY are for loved ones who have died as a result of addiction. No death is easy, but deaths that have occurred because of an addiction carry a lot of extra weight and burdens for friends and family.

Drug overdose deaths are outpacing deaths by car accident and by firearms. In 2016, there were 63,000 opioid overdose deaths alone. This number exceeds the number of Americans who were killed in the Vietnam War during the 19 years that the United States was involved.

Discussing drug overdose deaths with children can be difficult. When somebody dies as a result of overdosing on drugs, there are many feelings among the living that come up. They are the tough feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, worry, anguish, blame, and isolation. Overshadowing these feelings is always the question of why.

If we’re dealing with a child who had significant exposure to a parent died because of addiction, the child is already aware on a subconscious level that life, in general, was hard, a struggle, or somehow different from the lives of other children. If a child whose parent died because of an addiction was protected from exposure to it, then drugs and death will be something they don’t know anything about. Regardless, losing a parent is a traumatic event for child.

Losing close friends to drug addiction is also hard on children. They may not have even been aware that their friend was abusing drugs, or, in some cases, the death may have been caused by the first use of a dangerous drug like fentanyl.

It’s important first to explain addiction to the child in very concrete terms on a level that they are able to understand. The first thing that the child needs to know is that an addiction is an illness that has an effect on the brain and on the behavior of another person. The child needs to know that addiction can be treated, but that it can be very hard to treat successfully.

Explain the difference between medicine that is prescribed for specific illness and drugs, legal and illegal, that can be abused. You don’t want the child to get the impression that all medicine or drugs are harmful. Therefore, the easiest way to explain addiction is to describe it as an invisible disease that makes the person use more prescription medication (or even alcohol) than is safe or use drugs that aren’t safe for anyone.

To successfully communicate with a child about an addiction death, it’s important to be prepared. Take some time to think about what you say. The conversation should be ongoing, with the foundation laid in the initial discussion of addiction, and then more added as a child asks questions or comes back at a later time to talk about it more. It’s critical not to overwhelm the child with too much information all at once.

While we are suffering our own sadness and grief over the death of a loved one due to addiction, we need to be as calm as possible when talking with children about the death. If the children really young, we’ll need to explain death first, and then explain addiction in very simple terms without a lot of details. We might just say that the person who died was sick including get better and leave it at that until the children are older and start asking more questions about the loved one died.

For more ideas about funeral music at funeral homes in Elmira, NY, our sympathetic and experienced staff at Roberts Funeral Home is available to help. You can come to our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.

cremations services are offered in Horseheads, NY

Broken Heart Syndrome is a Real Thing

Many cremations services are offered in Horseheads, NY to take care of loved ones who have died, and their families after the death. Among these are grief resources to help the bereaved family as they go through the grieving process.

A particular aspect of grieving is a rare, serious condition that is known as broken heart syndrome. We speak of broken hearts metaphorically when something bad happens. It may be the breakup of a relationship. It may be a death. It may be just a disappointment about something we expected to happen that didn’t.

However, cardiologists and neuroscientists have shown that the heart-mind connection in the face of loss is more than metaphorical. For people who suffer from broken heart syndrome, research has shown that their brains function differently than the brains of healthy people. This, in turn, shows that what happens in the brain can have a negative effect on the heart.

The medical term for broken heart syndrome is Takotsubo syndrome. In general, it follows the occurrence of extreme stress, such as the kind that people feel after they lose someone they love. What happens in the heart is that it abruptly weakens and begins to bulge. This bulging looks like a Japanese octopus trap called a takotsubo (a Japanese doctor first identified and described the syndrome).

Neuroscientists and cardiologists, from the beginning, believed that the disorder (which mainly strikes women and, though sometimes fatal, resolves gradually over a period of time) was connected to how the brain controlled the nervous system under stress.

Sympathetic nervous system ramps up in the face of danger (fight or flight). The parasympathetic nervous system calms down when the danger has passed. The limbic system creates and handles emotional responses.

Normally this process of these three systems is characterized by close communication so that autonomic processes, such as the beating of the heart, run smoothly. A group of cardiologists in Switzerland hypothesized that a disruption in the communication of the three systems could be responsible for broken heart syndrome.

They created a research group composed of 15 people who had recently been through and survived broken heart syndrome and 30 people who had never had broken heart syndrome.

When the cardiologists performed functional MRIs on all 45 subjects, they found some interesting results. In the 30 healthy people, the parts of the brain associated with the sympathetic nervous system, the parasympathetic nervous system, and the limbic system lit up together when stress was applied.

However, in the broken heart syndrome survivors, communication among these areas of the brain was almost nonexistent. Especially noteworthy was the lack of neuronal activity between areas of the brain to control the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.

What this meant for these survivors is that the normal physiological cool down and calming that normally happens after a stressful event was less likely to happen, leaving them in an extended fight-or-flight state, which had an adverse effect on the heart.

The results of this research suggest that broken heart syndrome has its origins in the brain, where reactions or overreactions to stress occur. What the research didn’t show is whether stress changed the brains of the broken heart syndrome survivors, which then led to cardiac problems, or if the brains were just predisposed to handling stress poorly.

If you’d like information about grief resources and cremations services in Horseheads, NY, talk with our knowledgeable and compassionate team at Roberts Funeral Home for guidance. You can visit our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.

funeral homes in Horseheads, NY

Breaking the Code: Suicide as Cause of Death

Some funerals at funeral homes in Horseheads, NY may be the result of someone taking their own lives. Yet often these deaths are shrouded in code phrases that explain the death as sudden or unexpected.

Suicides in the United States have increased 33% since 1999. Because we as a nation are still reluctant to talk about suicide and many people believe that suicides are acts of selfishness or acts of cowardice, we skirt the issue, which is a growing concern, so that we don’t have to deal with the inevitable questions that arise when suicides are brought out into the open.

There is no single cause for suicides. While some suicides are related to mental health issues, many suicides are not.

Young children and teenagers, for instance, who commit suicide are often the targets of real life bullying or cyberbullying, and they hit a point where they don’t know how else to make it stop but to take their own lives. In most of these cases, these kids can’t think far enough ahead to think of the permanence of death: that middle school and high school won’t last forever and neither will the bullying. All they can see is the pain and torment they are experiencing right now.

Some adults commit suicide as an act of despair. They may be dealing with job losses, financial losses, or family breakups, and as they watch the world they worked so hard to build crumble around them, they reaching a breaking point where it seems pointless to keep living. In that moment, they make the decision to end their lives instead of waiting out – which admittedly is very hard when the bottom drops out of your life – the sudden urgent desire to stop the pain.

Until recently, suicide is the cause of death was rarely mentioned and obituaries. However, families are beginning to be honest about the cause of death if it was suicide in the obituaries of their loved ones.

When Dr. Paula Sandler committed suicide in 2015, her family began her obituary this way: “Dr. Paula Margery Sandler, 62, died at home in Memphis on April 20, 2015, of suicide. We ask that you open your heart and offer compassion without judgment for those that suffer from illness rooted in stigma, trauma or shame; this was how Dr. Sandler practiced medicine. Sadly, she succumbed to severe depression, leaving behind bereaved friends, patients and colleagues.”

This obituary is an example of the trend toward removing the taboo and stigma surrounding suicide that has shrouded many deaths in mystery in the past. The reason that people are doing this is because they want people to know that suicide happens. It happens to wealthy people. It happens to successful people. It happens to children. Suicide is no respecter of persons.

By raising the awareness of suicide, these families who have lost loved ones who took their own lives are hoping to get help for or save others. One of the most common things that people will say after they find out that someone took their own life is, “I didn’t know anything was wrong.”

Sometimes, this is because other people aren’t paying attention, which sadly we can all be guilty of from time to time. Other times, the person who committed suicide simply put on a mask to hide the turmoil and pain they were feeling inside.

For information on funerals at funeral homes in Horseheads, NY, our sympathetic and experienced staff at Roberts Funeral Home is available to help. You can come to our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.

cremations services in Owego, NY

Why the Grieving Process is Important

One of the cremations services in Owego, NY is grief support, including grief resources. The grieving process is important. When we lose someone we love to death, it can a shocking blow that makes us feel like our feet have suddenly been taken out from under us. We experience emotions of despair, sadness, disorientation, vulnerability, and even, sometimes, relief (because our loved one is no longer suffering).

These are normal emotions and feelings and the grieving process helps us to work through them and set our worlds back upright again, even though our lives will never be the same and the loss never goes away.

If we don’t allow ourselves to experience the grieving process, we miss out on important opportunities to learn, to grow, and to become more kind, gentler, more compassionate, and more empathetic people. We also just delay the process that will eventually have its day in another time in the future in an unhealthy way.

Although we associate loss and death with the grieving process, there are other losses in life that we experience that can cause us to grieve.

Disenfranchised losses have no graves, no community support, and no fellowship to mourn them. Because the people are still alive, whether they be friends or family members, nobody acknowledges the losses that have occurred.

Examples of disenfranchised losses include divorce, addiction, mental illness, family dysfunction, and life transitions like losing a job, home, or health, empty-nesting, and retirement.

Part of the grieving process is protective and that is often the first stage. We go numb emotionally and shut down. We know a loss has happened, but we can’t go there emotionally.

Yearning and searching is also part of the grieving process. This can weave in and out of the entire process, as we look back to the way things were – or we wish they were – before and we try to find that good part again in other people, things, or places.

The grieving process also includes despair, disruption, and anger. This too can come in and out of the grieving process. If we carry resentment with our anger, the grieving process can get a lot more complicated, and for some people who experience complicated grief, this can be where they get stuck.

Anger is often a manifestation of the underlying sorrow we feel for the loss. Anger is often easier to deal with because it’s definitive in its starting and ending points, while sadness can feel confusing and disorienting because there’s no door we opened to get in and there’s no door we can open to get out.

At some point in the grieving process, we reach a point where we can talk rationally, without getting dragged back down into the black hole of sorrow, about the loss. At this point, our emotions about the loss are easier to feel on some level, and we can find words to describe that and integrate that into who we are. This is the strengthening part of the grieving process because we know ourselves better and we are more self-aware than we were before the loss. That strength gives us the ability to accept the loss.

The last stage of the grieving process is the one in which we build anew after the loss. It doesn’t mean the loss has gone away or we’ve forgotten, but at some point, we realize we’re still breathing, so life still has to go forward as long as we are.

If you’d like information about cremations services in Owego, NY, talk with our knowledgeable and compassionate team at Roberts Funeral Home for guidance. You can visit our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.

funeral homes in Owego, NY

Funeral Music: Play What You Love

The music for funerals at funeral homes in Owego, NY is one of the most personalized choices we make for the funeral services of our loved ones – or even for ourselves, if we’re planning our own funeral services.

There are many songs, in every conceivable musical genre, that speak about death, loss, grief, and the hope for a better place and a better day. Any of those are excellent selections for a funeral service and many people go that route when they are choosing music for funeral service.

But some people don’t. There are songs in our lives and in the lives of our deceased loved ones that have nothing to do with death at all, but they carry the power of memories, love, and relationships. And those may be the songs we choose to play at our loved ones – or at our own – funerals.

A young Olathe, KS mother’s second child was stillborn. It was 1978. A group named Kansas had song on the charts at the same time. It was called “Dust in the Wind.” The grieving mother and father played that song as part of their daughter’s funeral service. When the mother died as a result of a medical emergency in December 2018, her four remaining children played the same song at her memorial service.

There was a daughter who took care of her mother for the last years of her life. The mother had congestive heart failure, vascular dementia, Lewy Body dementia, and Alzheimer’s disease. In spite of all these illnesses, she retained her love of music. So, the daughter played music in the house all the time. She knew her mother’s favorite music, which included bluegrass and country, and made sure that was prominent in the mix of sounds that filled their home.

A few months before her mother’s death, the daughter played a song that brought a smile and a twinkle in the eyes to her mother’s face. Knowing how much her mother loved to dance as well, the daughter asked her if she wanted to dance. The mother nodded yes. They danced, the daughter holding tightly to her mother so she wouldn’t fall.

Remembering that day, the daughter chose the same song, “Ashokan Farewell,” as the piece of music that was played at her mother’s funeral service. No one else but the daughter knew why that song was played, but it was comforting to the daughter.

A son watched his father grow old and frail. His father always told his son that he wasn’t afraid of death and he’d quote Hebrews 9:27, saying, “it is appointed unto men once to die.” When the son made arrangements for his father’s funeral service, he knew that there was only one appropriate song for his father. The rest of the mourners, including the immediate family, were a bit taken aback as they heard the urgent opening guitar riffs of the song the son had selected, but those who knew the father well appreciated the son’s nod to his father with Blue Oyster Cult’s “Don’t Fear the Reaper.”

For more ideas about funeral music at funeral homes in Owego, NY, our sympathetic and experienced staff at Roberts Funeral Home is available to help. You can come to our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.

cremations services provided in Elmira, NY

An Example of a Great Obituary

Helping families write obituaries is among the cremations services provided in Elmira, NY. Some families, though, seem to have a knack for writing tributes to their loved ones that are amazing and give real insights into who these people were when they were alive.

An excellent example is the obituary that the children of Marie Bogus-Apichell wrote after her death (excerpts follow): “There’s a precise moment in the early mornings when the temperature reaches its coldest point and a ribbon of pastel pink clouds kiss the tops of the evergreens.

It is at that specific time when the cold Elysburg mornings coaxed our blue-eyed Polish Mom to rise and head to work.

She was the first one up every morning having her coffee, toast and jelly and the last one home. She was up and out the door by 6:30 a.m.; home by 4:30 p.m..

Born on March 1, 1925, in Coal Township to a large Catholic family, Marie Bogus-Apichell (nicknamed Binka) shared a large house on Spruce Street with six brothers and five sisters. A mining accident claimed the life of her father at a fairly early age and her mother passed away a few years later. These circumstances forced Marie to quit Coal Township High to take on household responsibilities and look after her younger brothers and sisters.

She subsequently married in her twenties and gave birth to four children. Raising the family in Elysburg, her children attended local Catholic schools. Employed as a seamstress at the Arrow Shirt factory, she provided for her family through enormous sacrifices to make mortgage payments on the Elysburg house, to keep food on the table and to give her children the opportunity to attend college.

Her culinary specialties included pigeons, pierogies, spaghetti and meatballs, and her three-layered, pudding-filled chocolate-frosted poppy seed cake that was absolutely out of this world. We couldn’t wait for that birthday cake.

As a frugal bargain hunter and die-hard shopper, she would never pay full price for anything or walk away from a bargain…

Marie was an avid reader of the Shamokin News-Item. On a daily basis, after coming home from work or church, she would sit in her favorite upholstered chair and read the entire paper. Anytime the neighbors wanted to know about a specific person or the latest news, they would just ask Marie. She knew the comings and goings on in all of Elysburg, Shamokin and Coal Township. She was disappointed every time inclement weather prevented the paper from being delivered…

Marie appreciated everything anyone would do for her…She taught us the value of honest work and the importance of saving money.

At the age of 92, on January 27, 2018, Marie passed away of old age-her tires were well-worn and she was ready to see her maker. She lived a long, simple, quiet and comfortable life in her little white house, breathing her final breath in her sleep.

Elysburg and her neighbors will never be the same without Marie. She truly was a beautiful person and loving mother. Even while confined to her wheelchair, she made efforts to socialize with her neighbors over a bowl of vanilla ice cream or a few brewskies or a backyard barbeque…

We are proud to have Marie as our mother who made us better and stronger human beings. We will never forget her loving ways. She truly was a best friend.”

If you’d like information about all the cremations services provided in Elmira, NY, talk with our knowledgeable and compassionate team at Roberts Funeral Home for guidance. You can visit our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.

funeral homes in Elmira, NY

End-of-Life Documents

Before funerals at funeral homes in Elmira, NY, there are several end-of-documents that we need to have in place so that our medical wishes are known, we have a medical advocate in place if we can’t advocate for ourselves, and we die the way we want to.

One end-of-life document that we need to have is a medical power of attorney. What this document does is to designate someone to make medical decisions for you if you are not able to make them yourself. The medical power of attorney may come into play if you have a medical emergency that leaves you unable to communicate, you have a tragic accident that leaves you unresponsive, or you develop dementia.

Choose someone you trust and make sure that they have all of your medical history, a current list of your medications, and any current health issues you are dealing with. You can create a medical power of attorney using software designed to create end-of-life documents or by using a printable medical power of attorney form online. As long as your medical power of attorney is signed and dated, it is a binding legal document.

In addition to a medical power of attorney, we all need living wills. No matter how young or old we are, time and chance happen to everyone. Living wills specify how we want to be treated medically if we are dying or in a medical situation from which there is no recovery (such as being brain dead, for example).

A living will gives you the ability to choose whether you want every possible measure exhausted to keep you alive in a situation where you are dying or from which there is no recovery or you don’t want any life-extending procedures, but you do want comfort care.

If we don’t have living wills done, then medical staff are obligated to exercise every option available to extend life, no matter if we’ve told our families we don’t want that. Some people believe that if they have a living will that specifies no life-extending measures be taken that medical personnel will not give them complete or adequate care. This is false.

Make sure that your medical power of attorney has a copy of your living will (your medical power of attorney should keep all these documents together and have them with them at all times – putting them in a folder in a backpack in the trunk of their car is a good way to ensure this). The living will is valid and legal as long as it is signed and dated.

If we do not want to be resuscitated or we don’t want to be intubated, we need to have a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) order and a Do Not Intubate (DNI) order created. Our family primary care physicians can write these orders and simply by signing them, they are legal and valid.

A DNR order tells medical professionals that we don’t want any measures taken if our hearts stop beating. One reason many people get DNR orders is because if resuscitation takes place more than six minutes after the heart stops beating, brain damage has already started to occur because of the lack of oxygen to the brain.

A DNI order tells medical professionals that we don’t want any measures taken if we are in respiratory failure, which can occur as a result of lung injuries, severe pneumonia, or breathing conditions like COPD.

For more information on end-of-life documents at funeral homes in Elmira, NY, our sympathetic and experienced staff at Roberts Funeral Home is available to help. You can come to our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.

Owego, NY cremations

Odd Wills and Strange Requests

After Owego, NY cremations, the family will gather to hear the deceased’s last will and testament (please have one, because otherwise it’ll likely be a free-for-all among your family, and it might not be pretty).

If the deceased created their own will using software or an online will generator, then the executor will read the will. If an attorney created the will for the deceased, then the attorney will read the will.

As long as a will is signed and dated, it is valid, even if it’s not witnessed or notarized. However, having a will witnessed and notarized will make it less likely and harder to be contested.

Most wills are expected distribution of assets and belongings. However, there are few that have become well-known for being anything but standard.

One of these wills is that of the late hotel mogul Leona Helmsley, also known as the Queen of Mean. When Helmsley died in 2007, her will left $12 million to her dog, Trouble, while it left two of her grandchildren absolutely nothing. Both grandchildren contested Helmsley’s will. A judge decided to reduce Trouble’s share of Helmsley’s fortune to $2 million and grant the two grandchildren $10 million each. However, $2 million allowed Trouble to live an opulent life until her death in 2011.

The illusionist Harry Houdini was as mystical in death as he was in life. He died on October 31, 1926. In his will, he instructed his wife, Bess, to conduct a séance every year on the anniversary of his death so that they could communicate from beyond the grave. Bess was supposed to read, “Rosabelle, answer, tell, pray, answer, look, tell, answer, answer, tell” to get in touch with Houdini. Bess did this for ten years with no response, after which she quit trying. However, Houdini admirers like the tradition and continue it today on every Halloween.

German writer Heinrich Heine got the last word in what must have been quite a contentious relationship with his wife, Matilda. His will specified that the only way that Matilda could inherit his entire estate was if she remarried. The reason? According to Heine, “there will be at least one man to regret my death.”

English philosopher Jeremy Bentham left a most unusual request in his will. He instructed a friend who was a physician to preserve his head and skeleton, dress the remains in a suit, seat them in a chair with his cane, and display them in a case on the campus of University College London. He’s been there since 1932, although a wax head now sits atop the skeleton because the natural head decayed.

Sandra West, an oil heiress, died unexpectedly in 1977 when she was 37 years old. Her request for burial was unusual. She wanted to be dressed in a white nightgown and buried in the front seat of her 1964 powder blue Ferrari 250GT. She requested that the seat be laid back to a comfortable position. The car was then boxed up and lowered into a grave at the historic Alamo Masonic Cemetery in San Antonio. To thwart the threat of looting, the grave was covered with cement.

If you’d like information about Owego, NY cremations, talk with our knowledgeable and compassionate team at Roberts Funeral Home for guidance. You can visit our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.

cremations in West Elmira, NY

Ideas for Using Cremation Remains

Remains from cremations in West Elmira, NY are given to the family to do what they wish with them. There are many creative ways to use cremation remains – known as cremains – to remember a loved one in a way that suits your family, and your loved one’s wishes, best.

One way to use cremains is to scatter them in a special place. That may be your loved one’s favorite place in the whole wide world, or it may be in a place that had special meaning for them or for your family. If you plan to scatter the ashes on private land that you don’t own, it’s important to get permission from the property owner before scattering them. Some national parks will allow cremains to be scattered, but you’ll need to make sure you get the proper authorization first.

Another way to use cremains is to have them transformed into keepsake jewelry. From pendants to rings to bracelets, there are many designs that you can choose from. A small amount of the cremains will be stored inside the jewelry, allowing you to keep your loved one close by all the time.

A really unique way to use cremains is to have them integrated with explosive materials to create fireworks. There are several companies that specifically create fireworks using cremains, and then they will produce a fireworks show for family and friends to see their loved one light up the darkness of night.

Cremains are often included as artist’s material. Two examples are mixing them with tattoo ink and with oil or acrylic paints.

Some people want memorial tattoos of their loved one after death. Often these will be an elaborate design with the name, date of birth and date of death, or they will be an image, inked from a photo, of the deceased loved one. Some tattoo artists will mix some of the cremains with the inks they will use to create the memorial tattoo, allowing you to have your loved one as a permanently-etched part of you.

If your loved one was an artist or loved art, then using some of their cremains to create a painting is a great way to pay tribute to them. Professional painters will mix the cremains with either oil-based or acrylic paint and create the painting you desire from those paints. You may want a portrait of your loved one or you may want a painting of a place or something that they loved, like a family cabin or cottage, or a flower garden, the ocean, or a forest.

Two of the neatest ideas for using cremains are using them to create ocean reefs and using them to grow a plant or a tree.

There are companies that will take some of your loved one’s cremains and create reefs from them. Coral reefs are endangered throughout the world, so these new reefs give a favorable habitat for marine life to thrive.

The seed of a plant or tree can be planted in biodegradable urns, which have soil that is mixed with your loved one’s cremains. The cremains have nutrients that can enrich the soil and promote growth of a new living thing. The plant or tree is a lasting tribute to your loved one that can be used as a gathering place for family and friends on significant anniversaries.

For more ideas on using cremains from cremations in West Elmira, NY, our sympathetic and experienced staff at Roberts Funeral Home is available to help. You can come to our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.

Waverly, NY cremations

Coping with Regrets after Death

Regrets are common after Waverly, NY cremations. They seem to be an inevitable part of the grieving process, especially when the reality of death sets in and we’re all alone with our thoughts, rehashing the details of our lives with the loved ones we’ve lost.

Regrets are not necessarily a bad thing, although if we eventually get stuck on them, they can make grief much more intense for much longer than it should be. Regrets are often the product of paying attention, which is something we don’t always do when someone is still alive. Regrets can also be wishing that an event or an incident with our loved had turned out differently than it did and, if we’d been doing something differently, it might have.

One of the benefits of regrets is growth. Sometimes we don’t know what we don’t know until it’s too late, at least for our loved one who has died. But we can learn from those kinds of regrets and make changes in our lives to make sure they never repeat themselves.

Another benefit of regrets is wisdom. Until we are in the situation where we can look at our lives, both in relationship to our deceased loved one and in relationship to everyone else, with integrity and honesty to see where we fall short, whether that’s in selfishness, obliviousness, impatience, unkindness, or harshness, among many other things, we don’t gain wisdom.

Regrets, like death, should change us for the better, and make us more wise and more humble, as we see our own reflection clearly in them.

Some regrets are about things we couldn’t have done any differently or that wouldn’t have turned out any differently, but we wish that we could have or that they had. Perhaps we were caring for an elderly parent, vigilantly watching them, and they fell anyway because they were just beyond our reach. They may have broken bones, suffered from head trauma, or got really banged up and bruised. Those kinds of scenes can replay over and over in slow motion, bringing pain and agony to us as well as regret, but we couldn’t have done anything differently at the time.

Those are the kind of regrets that we can get stuck in and they can prolong intense grief, because we want to change the outcome. And those are the kind of regrets that we have to put to rest and say, “I did the best I could. It may not have always been good enough, but it was the best I could do at the time.”

Some regrets are for missed opportunities with our loved ones. We may have been talking for years about a trip we were going to take or an adventure that we wanted to do with our loved ones, but we never got around to them before they died.

And some regrets are for issues and problems between us and our loved ones that were never resolved while they were alive. These can be very difficult to cope with, because there may also be guilt associated with the regrets, but like all other regrets, we can’t change the past. All we can do is move forward, and professional help may be needed for that to happen, and know that somewhere in the future everything will be made right.

If you’d like information about grief resources after Waverly, NY cremations, talk with our knowledgeable and compassionate team at Roberts Funeral Home for guidance. You can visit our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.