Monthly Archives: June 2019

cremations services in Owego, NY

Why the Grieving Process is Important

One of the cremations services in Owego, NY is grief support, including grief resources. The grieving process is important. When we lose someone we love to death, it can a shocking blow that makes us feel like our feet have suddenly been taken out from under us. We experience emotions of despair, sadness, disorientation, vulnerability, and even, sometimes, relief (because our loved one is no longer suffering).

These are normal emotions and feelings and the grieving process helps us to work through them and set our worlds back upright again, even though our lives will never be the same and the loss never goes away.

If we don’t allow ourselves to experience the grieving process, we miss out on important opportunities to learn, to grow, and to become more kind, gentler, more compassionate, and more empathetic people. We also just delay the process that will eventually have its day in another time in the future in an unhealthy way.

Although we associate loss and death with the grieving process, there are other losses in life that we experience that can cause us to grieve.

Disenfranchised losses have no graves, no community support, and no fellowship to mourn them. Because the people are still alive, whether they be friends or family members, nobody acknowledges the losses that have occurred.

Examples of disenfranchised losses include divorce, addiction, mental illness, family dysfunction, and life transitions like losing a job, home, or health, empty-nesting, and retirement.

Part of the grieving process is protective and that is often the first stage. We go numb emotionally and shut down. We know a loss has happened, but we can’t go there emotionally.

Yearning and searching is also part of the grieving process. This can weave in and out of the entire process, as we look back to the way things were – or we wish they were – before and we try to find that good part again in other people, things, or places.

The grieving process also includes despair, disruption, and anger. This too can come in and out of the grieving process. If we carry resentment with our anger, the grieving process can get a lot more complicated, and for some people who experience complicated grief, this can be where they get stuck.

Anger is often a manifestation of the underlying sorrow we feel for the loss. Anger is often easier to deal with because it’s definitive in its starting and ending points, while sadness can feel confusing and disorienting because there’s no door we opened to get in and there’s no door we can open to get out.

At some point in the grieving process, we reach a point where we can talk rationally, without getting dragged back down into the black hole of sorrow, about the loss. At this point, our emotions about the loss are easier to feel on some level, and we can find words to describe that and integrate that into who we are. This is the strengthening part of the grieving process because we know ourselves better and we are more self-aware than we were before the loss. That strength gives us the ability to accept the loss.

The last stage of the grieving process is the one in which we build anew after the loss. It doesn’t mean the loss has gone away or we’ve forgotten, but at some point, we realize we’re still breathing, so life still has to go forward as long as we are.

If you’d like information about cremations services in Owego, NY, talk with our knowledgeable and compassionate team at Roberts Funeral Home for guidance. You can visit our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.

funeral homes in Owego, NY

Funeral Music: Play What You Love

The music for funerals at funeral homes in Owego, NY is one of the most personalized choices we make for the funeral services of our loved ones – or even for ourselves, if we’re planning our own funeral services.

There are many songs, in every conceivable musical genre, that speak about death, loss, grief, and the hope for a better place and a better day. Any of those are excellent selections for a funeral service and many people go that route when they are choosing music for funeral service.

But some people don’t. There are songs in our lives and in the lives of our deceased loved ones that have nothing to do with death at all, but they carry the power of memories, love, and relationships. And those may be the songs we choose to play at our loved ones – or at our own – funerals.

A young Olathe, KS mother’s second child was stillborn. It was 1978. A group named Kansas had song on the charts at the same time. It was called “Dust in the Wind.” The grieving mother and father played that song as part of their daughter’s funeral service. When the mother died as a result of a medical emergency in December 2018, her four remaining children played the same song at her memorial service.

There was a daughter who took care of her mother for the last years of her life. The mother had congestive heart failure, vascular dementia, Lewy Body dementia, and Alzheimer’s disease. In spite of all these illnesses, she retained her love of music. So, the daughter played music in the house all the time. She knew her mother’s favorite music, which included bluegrass and country, and made sure that was prominent in the mix of sounds that filled their home.

A few months before her mother’s death, the daughter played a song that brought a smile and a twinkle in the eyes to her mother’s face. Knowing how much her mother loved to dance as well, the daughter asked her if she wanted to dance. The mother nodded yes. They danced, the daughter holding tightly to her mother so she wouldn’t fall.

Remembering that day, the daughter chose the same song, “Ashokan Farewell,” as the piece of music that was played at her mother’s funeral service. No one else but the daughter knew why that song was played, but it was comforting to the daughter.

A son watched his father grow old and frail. His father always told his son that he wasn’t afraid of death and he’d quote Hebrews 9:27, saying, “it is appointed unto men once to die.” When the son made arrangements for his father’s funeral service, he knew that there was only one appropriate song for his father. The rest of the mourners, including the immediate family, were a bit taken aback as they heard the urgent opening guitar riffs of the song the son had selected, but those who knew the father well appreciated the son’s nod to his father with Blue Oyster Cult’s “Don’t Fear the Reaper.”

For more ideas about funeral music at funeral homes in Owego, NY, our sympathetic and experienced staff at Roberts Funeral Home is available to help. You can come to our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.

cremations services provided in Elmira, NY

An Example of a Great Obituary

Helping families write obituaries is among the cremations services provided in Elmira, NY. Some families, though, seem to have a knack for writing tributes to their loved ones that are amazing and give real insights into who these people were when they were alive.

An excellent example is the obituary that the children of Marie Bogus-Apichell wrote after her death (excerpts follow): “There’s a precise moment in the early mornings when the temperature reaches its coldest point and a ribbon of pastel pink clouds kiss the tops of the evergreens.

It is at that specific time when the cold Elysburg mornings coaxed our blue-eyed Polish Mom to rise and head to work.

She was the first one up every morning having her coffee, toast and jelly and the last one home. She was up and out the door by 6:30 a.m.; home by 4:30 p.m..

Born on March 1, 1925, in Coal Township to a large Catholic family, Marie Bogus-Apichell (nicknamed Binka) shared a large house on Spruce Street with six brothers and five sisters. A mining accident claimed the life of her father at a fairly early age and her mother passed away a few years later. These circumstances forced Marie to quit Coal Township High to take on household responsibilities and look after her younger brothers and sisters.

She subsequently married in her twenties and gave birth to four children. Raising the family in Elysburg, her children attended local Catholic schools. Employed as a seamstress at the Arrow Shirt factory, she provided for her family through enormous sacrifices to make mortgage payments on the Elysburg house, to keep food on the table and to give her children the opportunity to attend college.

Her culinary specialties included pigeons, pierogies, spaghetti and meatballs, and her three-layered, pudding-filled chocolate-frosted poppy seed cake that was absolutely out of this world. We couldn’t wait for that birthday cake.

As a frugal bargain hunter and die-hard shopper, she would never pay full price for anything or walk away from a bargain…

Marie was an avid reader of the Shamokin News-Item. On a daily basis, after coming home from work or church, she would sit in her favorite upholstered chair and read the entire paper. Anytime the neighbors wanted to know about a specific person or the latest news, they would just ask Marie. She knew the comings and goings on in all of Elysburg, Shamokin and Coal Township. She was disappointed every time inclement weather prevented the paper from being delivered…

Marie appreciated everything anyone would do for her…She taught us the value of honest work and the importance of saving money.

At the age of 92, on January 27, 2018, Marie passed away of old age-her tires were well-worn and she was ready to see her maker. She lived a long, simple, quiet and comfortable life in her little white house, breathing her final breath in her sleep.

Elysburg and her neighbors will never be the same without Marie. She truly was a beautiful person and loving mother. Even while confined to her wheelchair, she made efforts to socialize with her neighbors over a bowl of vanilla ice cream or a few brewskies or a backyard barbeque…

We are proud to have Marie as our mother who made us better and stronger human beings. We will never forget her loving ways. She truly was a best friend.”

If you’d like information about all the cremations services provided in Elmira, NY, talk with our knowledgeable and compassionate team at Roberts Funeral Home for guidance. You can visit our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.

funeral homes in Elmira, NY

End-of-Life Documents

Before funerals at funeral homes in Elmira, NY, there are several end-of-documents that we need to have in place so that our medical wishes are known, we have a medical advocate in place if we can’t advocate for ourselves, and we die the way we want to.

One end-of-life document that we need to have is a medical power of attorney. What this document does is to designate someone to make medical decisions for you if you are not able to make them yourself. The medical power of attorney may come into play if you have a medical emergency that leaves you unable to communicate, you have a tragic accident that leaves you unresponsive, or you develop dementia.

Choose someone you trust and make sure that they have all of your medical history, a current list of your medications, and any current health issues you are dealing with. You can create a medical power of attorney using software designed to create end-of-life documents or by using a printable medical power of attorney form online. As long as your medical power of attorney is signed and dated, it is a binding legal document.

In addition to a medical power of attorney, we all need living wills. No matter how young or old we are, time and chance happen to everyone. Living wills specify how we want to be treated medically if we are dying or in a medical situation from which there is no recovery (such as being brain dead, for example).

A living will gives you the ability to choose whether you want every possible measure exhausted to keep you alive in a situation where you are dying or from which there is no recovery or you don’t want any life-extending procedures, but you do want comfort care.

If we don’t have living wills done, then medical staff are obligated to exercise every option available to extend life, no matter if we’ve told our families we don’t want that. Some people believe that if they have a living will that specifies no life-extending measures be taken that medical personnel will not give them complete or adequate care. This is false.

Make sure that your medical power of attorney has a copy of your living will (your medical power of attorney should keep all these documents together and have them with them at all times – putting them in a folder in a backpack in the trunk of their car is a good way to ensure this). The living will is valid and legal as long as it is signed and dated.

If we do not want to be resuscitated or we don’t want to be intubated, we need to have a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) order and a Do Not Intubate (DNI) order created. Our family primary care physicians can write these orders and simply by signing them, they are legal and valid.

A DNR order tells medical professionals that we don’t want any measures taken if our hearts stop beating. One reason many people get DNR orders is because if resuscitation takes place more than six minutes after the heart stops beating, brain damage has already started to occur because of the lack of oxygen to the brain.

A DNI order tells medical professionals that we don’t want any measures taken if we are in respiratory failure, which can occur as a result of lung injuries, severe pneumonia, or breathing conditions like COPD.

For more information on end-of-life documents at funeral homes in Elmira, NY, our sympathetic and experienced staff at Roberts Funeral Home is available to help. You can come to our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.