Monthly Archives: December 2018

cremations in Wavery, NY

How to Preplan Cremations

With cremations in Wavery, NY, the body is cremated and the cremains become ash. Cremains can be buried in the ground, put into a columbarium (a building or room with slots where funeral urns are stored), retained by the family in an urn, or scattered somewhere.  

By preplanning your cremation, you can decide how you want your cremation to be. Generally, services for people who are cremated are held before the cremation or after the cremation.   

If the service is held before the cremation, it is often very much like the service before a burial. There can be a viewing and then a funeral service within a few days after death. You can either purchase your own cremation casket – it must not contain any metal and it must be 100%-combustible – for the viewing and funeral service or you can rent a casket for the viewing and funeral service from the funeral home for a minimal cost, after which the funeral home will transfer the body to a fully-combustible casket for cremation.  

Services held after cremations are memorial services and they can be held at any time, in any place, and can have any format. Some people prefer memorial services because it gives friends and family time to get time off of work, make travel arrangements, and often meet at a place that is special to the deceased for the service and, perhaps, to scatter the cremains. You can designate where and how you want your memorial service to be done. It can be a get-together, where stories and memories are shared, or it can be a meet-up for a favorite activity, or it can be a party. The choice is yours.  

When you’re preplanning a cremation, you get the opportunity to decide how you want the cremains to be handled. They can be buried in a cemetery (it is not unusual for spouses who have a spouse that predeceased them and is buried to have their ashes buried with their spouse or scatter at the spouse’s grave), kept in an urn by the family, or scattered at a favorite spot.  

One of the choices you’ll need to make is how you want the cremains to be returned to your family. The funeral home will provide a basic container with your cremains, but you can purchase a wide variety of urns and other types of containers that are specifically designed for this purpose.    

The other part of preplanning cremations usually includes paying for everything up front or giving the funeral home your burial/funeral policy, if you have one, to use to cover the costs at the time you die. These costs will include casket rental (if you plan a visitation and funeral and do not want that to be in a cremation casket), a cremation casket, funeral home services, the cremation, and disposal of the cremains.  

Once you’ve preplanned your cremation with the funeral home, be sure to record everything to keep with your important papers (include burial/funeral policy information that you’ve given to the funeral home), and then make sure your entire family knows all the details, so everybody is on the same page.  

If you’d like more information about preplanning cremations in Waverly, NY, our caring and experienced staff at Roberts Funeral Home can give you the assistance you need. You can visit us at our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can call us today at (607) 734-7811.  

Caitlin, NY funeral home

The Four Tasks of Mourning

Even before the funeral process at Caitlin, NY funeral homes begins, grieving loss of a loved one is set in motion. Mourning serves a purpose for the living, and it should, at some point, accomplish four tasks. There is no time limit on mourning nor is there a right or wrong way to mourn. But the five stages of grief made famous by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross don’t always happen in order and they don’t always happen the same way to every mourner. Kubler-Ross herself, later in life, expressed regret that she didn’t present the five stages of grief in a different manner.  

It doesn’t mean that understanding the five stages of grief is not valuable, but there’s more to mourning that needs to be explained and that needs to happen.   

The first task of mourning is accepting the reality of the loss. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all the realities that accompany death are understood or accepted, but it does mean that those grieving have to recognize that they’ve experienced a permanent loss in this life.  

The next task of mourning is to work through the pain of grief. This is different for everyone in terms of how they do it and how long it takes. None of us likes dealing with emotional pain, but for some people it is so difficult that they either ignore the pain, they suppress the pain, or they numb the pain. All of this is emotionally unhealthy. Ignoring the pain doesn’t make it go away. Suppressing the pain doesn’t diminish its effect. And numbing the pain is not only emotionally unhealthy, but can also be physically unhealthy.  

Sooner or later, the pain of grief comes to the surface and it has to be addressed and dealt with, because it can’t be ignored, suppressed, or numbed forever.   

One thing that’s important to recognized in this task is that working through the pain of grief head-on takes some people much more time than it does others. This is known as complicated grief. The amount of time a person works through the pain of grief does not correlate to them not working through it. Never tell somebody that they need to move on and get over it, because you don’t know how they’re working through this task.  

The third task of mourning is adjusting to a new environment where a loved one is missing. This can be very, very difficult, especially for spouses of and for children who were primary caregivers for the deceased person. This new environment has a void that no one and nothing can fill. It’s an environment that has practical barriers including finances, property, and companionship, among other things. It’s a new world that starts all over with a page missing, and that can be difficult.   

A very wise piece of advice, especially with big financial or property decisions after the death of a loved one, is to put these kinds of things on hold for at least a year after the person has died. It doesn’t mean everything will be fine in a year, but there will be more objective clarity.  

The last task of mourning is to find an enduring connection with the deceased person while embarking on a new life without them. Often this can include rituals into life that honor their loved one, such as laying flowers at their grave each year on their birthday and being comfortable thinking about and sharing memories of the deceased.    

At Caitlin, NY funeral homes, our sympathetic and knowledgeable staff at Roberts Funeral Home can help you with grief resources. You can see us at our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can call us today at (607) 734-7811.  

Caitlin, NY funeral homes

Funeral Fraud: Taking Advantage of Grief

Fraud can begin before the funeral at Caitlin, NY funeral homes. There are several prevalent types of fraud that specifically target families who’ve lost a loved one and who are grieving. We’ll highlight what these are so that you can be aware and protect yourself.  

Several types of funeral fraud happen because of what information is included in the obituary.   

One of these is street addresses of the deceased and street addresses of family members who may want to a place for mourners to come if they are unable to be at the visitation along with visitation times and dates, funeral times and dates, and graveside services times and dates.   

So, while you’re in the process of burying your loved one, burglars know where everyone lives and when the homes will be unoccupied, making them easier targets for break-ins and thefts.   

After the funeral, the surviving family members may get visits from fraudsters claiming that vehicles and/or equipment was sold to them or was put up for sale. Even though the family may insist that nothing was sold or for sale, if there is equipment they have no use for or vehicles that won[‘t be used, the family may be willing to sell them immediately for a very low price just to get rid of them.  

To protect yourself against this type of funeral fraud, do not put any street address information in the obituary.  

Two other pieces of information in obituaries can lead to identify theft. Often families will include maiden names of mothers, wives, sisters, or daughters and their date of birth. That’s really all good identity theft needs to access financial information, steal money or credit card numbers, or even open new credit in the deceased’s name, wreaking havoc of the deceased’s finances.  

Probate fraud is, sadly, a common type of funeral fraud. However, probate fraud usually happens before someone dies and it is perpetuated by someone the deceased person knows rather than a stranger. A lot of times probate fraud happens within families, especially in second marriages (children from the first marriage are defrauded) and in families where siblings don’t get along.  

Probate fraud consists of someone cultivating the dying person’s emotional and physical dependence on them, then convincing the dying person to make changes to their will, sign over property, or make them the sole executor of their will.   

When last-minute changes are made to a will, probate fraud is what is taking place. If beneficiaries are suddenly changed, then beneficiary fraud is also be perpetrated. Usually these happen concurrently, and the beneficiaries don’t find out about it until after the funeral and burial.   

If the will and beneficiary changes were made legally, it will be tough and long court battle to set things right. It’s difficult to prevent this type of funeral fraud, but the affairs of dying people should be in the hands of an impartial party (if there is family feuding going on) who refuses to let legal documents be changed.  

At Caitlin, NY funeral homes, our experienced and sympathetic staff at Roberts Funeral Home can help you with resources to avoid funeral fraud. You can see us in person at our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can call us today at (607) 734-7811.  

funeral homes in Owego, NY

Explaining Funerals to Children

Before funerals of loved ones at funeral homes in Owego, NY, children who are old enough to understand – children under five years of age are probably too young – should know what’s happened, know what’s going to happen, and be included in the entire process that accompanies the death of someone we love.  

While children don’t have the emotional maturity or the complexity of emotions that adults may have with regard to someone they love who has died, children can still grieve the loss more deeply than you might expect, especially if they were extremely close to the person who has died.  

The first thing that you need to do is let your children know that death is part of life and grief associated with death is normal. They also need to know that all grief doesn’t look the same and people, even within the same immediate family, may grieve very differently from each other. By explaining the spectrum of grief, you can help your children know that how they grieve and express that grief is okay and it’s not abnormal.  

You also need to explain the funeral process to your children. Let them know what to expect at the visitation. It can be quite a shock for children to see someone they love lying in a casket, completely motionless, eyes closed, hands folded over each other, and almost looking like the person did when they were alive. It can also be shocking for children to touch the body and discover that it is very cold.  

Explain visitation protocol to your children. Let them know that they’ll be up front in the funeral home beside you and the rest of the family and people will come up to all of you and express their condolences. Make sure that you prepare your children for the kinds of grief they made see, including tears, sobbing, and other emotions they may not have experienced before.  

You should also prepare your children for the funeral service. Many times, older children within the immediate family are asked to do readings as part of the funeral service. Go through the order of the funeral service with your children so they know what to expect and they also know how much longer the service will be. That may sound trifling, but sometimes funeral services are hard on children, and the knowledge that they are almost over can be a relief to them.  

Then you want to explain the graveside service to your children. Tell them what its purpose is and how it’s different from the funeral service. Let them know that the casket will be sitting above the cemetery plot where the deceased will be buried, because they’ll see the dirt that has been dug out around it.  

The first few days between the death of a loved one and their burial are often so busy that they’re a blur and the reality of them being gone doesn’t fully sink in. However, once all of that is over, the real grieving begins. Discuss it openly with your children and let them discuss how they’re feeling with you. Watch for signs of withdrawal and depression and consider grief counseling if these become protracted.  

At funeral homes in Owego, NY, our compassionate and knowledgeable staff at Roberts Funeral Home can help you with more resources to explain funerals to your children. You can come to our funeral home at 279 Main St., Wellsburg, NY 14894, or you can contact us today at (607) 734-7811.